


Quick Hints and Tips for Non-Brits writing in British Fandom

by Isolde_Blue



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-09
Updated: 2012-07-12
Packaged: 2017-11-09 11:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/454956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isolde_Blue/pseuds/Isolde_Blue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Quick (and hopefully) Helpful guide to some common words often mis-used by non-brits when writing in British fandom.</p>
<p>Written by a born and bred Brit (Me)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A Guide to British Words by a Brit - Common errors made when non-brits write in a British Fandom.

Just thought I'd offer this small titbit of info for any writers maybe struggling with British Colloquialisms and quirks of the language. If anyone would like anymore advice feel free to message me or comment and I would be happy to Brit-Pick for you :) Issie x

Pavement - NEVER Sidewalk, it just isn't used in British colloquialism. (Well I've never heard it and I've spent my 24 years in England :D)

Motorway- NOT highway, highway is also never used by Brits.

Flat- 'Apartment' is usually used to describe a modern high-end property generally within a city. Flat is usually the preferred word of choice for other types of 'apartment'

Petrol Station- Never gas station.- On the subject of 'gas' when speaking about 'gas' in the bodily manner, we generally refer to it as 'wind'.

Mum/Mummy- Mom/Mommy are also very rarely used. Also in certain parts Mam/Mammy are used. This tends to be very Northern parts of the UK, Newcastle etc and Scotland. I'm from Manchester (which is Northern) and Mum is generally the most common term used here.

Nappy/Nappies- NEVER NEVER NEVER diaper/diapers

Moses Basket- The term Bassinet also very rarely used (generally only in baby catalogues). 

Another I frequently see (especially in this fandom) Is the use of the term M.D. To describe a Doctor (of medicine) M.D. Is not used to describe Doctors here, they are generally just referred to as Doctor (and their last name).  
In the U.K. Healthcare and hospital treatment is free to all so medical bills (apart from prescription charges), unless one chooses to go private, do not exist.  
When seeing a Doctor for an issue that is either not an emergency or does not need tests etc one would go to a Doctors Surgery to see a G.P. (General Practitioner, This is the job John Watson was doing in S.1 of Sherlock) Doctors Surgeries are generally NOT found in hospitals.

Swearing & Dirty words (I know a lot of these, ask my mother)

Arse - Not Ass, Ass as a word is generally only used to describe a stupid person (or a donkey) or within the saying 'kiss my ass' its really not used any other way here.

Bollocks- BOLLOCKS NOT BULLOCKS, this swear word is a favourite of mine :) referring to the testicles, and often used when something goes wrong (get to the shop, go to pay and realise your cash is at home and exclaim "BOLLOCKS") also can be used in the same way as 'Bullshit' e.g. "You're talking absolute Bollocks, mate"

Wanker- Their is a distinct lack of Wankers in this fandom! Sherlock would have DEFINATELY been called a wanker in his life...Think Jerk but ruder :)...or Dick!

Wank/Wanking/Wanks- To Masturbate (generally only applied to male masturbation...not really a general british term for female masturbation, I'm a fan of the euphemisms 'Flicking the Bean' & 'Double-Clicking your Mouse'....there are many many more

Shite- like Shit but sounds so much better (Irish influenced) "you're talking shite man"

 

That's all :) hope this helps anyone who is interested and no offence is taken. I am not judging anyone's work merely putting this out there incase it is of interest to anybody.

Issie :) xx


	2. More Quick Hints & Tips & Swear Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING :BAD LANGUAGE!! Just another small collection of more words etc which are commonly mistaken. Also a list of some commonly used British swear words (that's swear NOT cuss) as swearing is a vital part of being British! Despite what your granny may tell you...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everybody who read, commented and left Kudos on this work it made me a VERY happy Issie :D. I'm very glad most people received it in the way I had hoped it would be received and didn't take offence.  
> \- Issie :) x

More tips for Non-Brits:  
Household items & more dirty words :)

Wardrobe: Not closet, where clothes are hung (found in the bedroom.) Coats are generally hung on racks, hooks or in cupboards.

Cupboard: Used in many different ways, e.g. Kitchen cupboards are generally boxed in shelves with doors, where as other cupboards storage cupboards, coat cupboards etc are usually built in to the wall and used for storage.

Loo: The Toilet, only used to describe the toilet and NOT the bathroom as a whole. "I'm going to use the bathroom" is scarcely used to mean using the toilet. Toilet and Loo are most commonly used, there are other terms which tend to be crasser such as Bog, Shitter and Karzie.

Boiler: Never furnace, Controls the heating and hot water within the household. 

Curtains: Not Drapes!

Taps: In my whole life I have never heard anybody here refer to a tap as a faucet.

Fridge: Only shops trying to sell you one call it a refrigerator :) (its my dream to own a big retro SMEG fridge)

More Swearing & Dirty words!

British People do NOT cuss, we swear!- some fantastic well used British swear words & dirty words!

Dickhead- To imply one may have a penis on their head, similar to calling someone a dick but tends to vary in the degree of offence caused depending on where abouts you live! (Its almost a term of endearment in my neck of the woods, "Alright Dickhead not seen you for ages!, how's your mum?")

Knobhead-The same as above...

Twat-Fantastic word! On the same scale as wanker or dick (mums don't like this word) However 'To Twat someone/something' means to smack. Twatted : describes either being VERY drunk or to have been hit.

Prick- Like saying Dick but more fun

Fanny- The Vagina!! 

Cunt- Apparently the U.K's most offensive swear word! When no other word will suffice to explain a horrible person this is the one to reach for...*Sorry Mum*

Pissed/Wankered/Shit-Faced/Twatted - to be VERY drunk! There is a theory that if you take anyword and add 'ed' to the end of it, it can be used to explain drunkeness- "Mate I was absolutely Campervanned last nite"

Ham Shank: Cockney Rhyming Slang for 'Wank' - Never fails to amuse me when I hear an old man in the butchers asking for one :) *immaturity*

Spunk/Jizz/Spaff/Baby Gravy/ Man Milk- Semen-enough said...

Blowie/Suck Off -Blow Job

Wanked Off/Tossed Off - To receive a handjob (WANK) either off yourself or a partner.

.....Sorry for all the swearing (Its educational!... Honestly. Thanks for reading - Issie :) x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seeing as I had a mostly positive response to the first list I posted thought I'd add another with some more words commonly misused/mistaken by non-brits. Again same as C1 written to offer help and not to judge people's work :) (I would NEVER judge people's work I'm a horrible writer...don't believe me check out my fics) -Issie :) x


	3. Education Education Education....

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is the lay out of the British Educational system i mentioned and a few of you asked after...Hardly exciting reading i can assure you :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Guys thanks again to everybody who read, commented and left Kudos.  
> Here is the layout of the British educational system i mentioned in the previous chapter,  
> I am currently working on a Medical system/training chapter then thats me done ;) Again if there is anything anybody is unsure of/ curious about just ask- Issie :) x

As I've been asked more than once here is a brief breakdown of the U.K. Education system :) :

Early Years (Pre-School education)

Play-Group: The British equivalent to day care usually children start attending these a few months before they will begin Nursery to prepare them. Although there are specific ones aimed at babies and parents, (Mums & Tots) (Tumble Tots) (Breast is Best etc).

However Play-Group is NOT mandatory and they vary, some require parents to be present throughout the sessions others do not. They are usually found in Church Halls, Sports Halls etc (Sadly not as many as there used to be)

Nursery: All children in England (It differs in Scotland, Ireland & Wales slightly) are entitled to a FREE government funded Nursery place, starting the first new term after their 3rd birthday. This usually consists of 5, 3 Hour sessions a week. (We call Semesters, Terms) 

Nursery schools are staffed by Nursery Managers, Nursery Nurses (Not REAL medical nurses, I think the term is related to nurse of the nanny variety) Nursery Assistants and Play Workers.

Private Nurseries will usually take children from 12 weeks old up to school age, this however is usually quite expensive and no funding is given for private nursery education.

Many Primary Schools (elementary) have nursery's attached to them.

Primary School:

Reception: The first year a child enters school. age 4/5, Not widely referred to as Kindergarten in the U.K.

\- Highlights of reception include colouring in Alphabet sheets (I <3 colouring in), learning to tell the time, tying shoes (NO I couldn't *sob*) and Friday afternoon activities which usually consist of water & sand play, arts & crafts & story time ( you could cross stitch at my school! Rock & Roll)

After reception the primary school years are as follows:

Year 1. - 5/6 year olds  
Year 2 - 6/7 year olds  
Year 3 - 7/8 year olds  
Year 4 -8/9 year olds  
Year 5 - 9/10 year olds

Year 6- The Final year of primary school before leaving to go to high school. All Year 6 students sit exams in Maths, English and (I think) Science called Sat's to determine their level of academic ability before entering high school. 

(Primary School students call their teachers, 'teachers' and address them as Miss/Mrs/Mr(Insert Surname here)

High School: The first year students enter high school is known as Year 7. Students will be 11/12.  
They are often referred to as either Year 7's or First Years... (Or Gimps if you went to my high school *flashback*)

Then we have Year 8 (12/13 y.o) followed surprisingly enough by Year 9.

Year 9 - Education after Year 9 differs a bit from previous years as whilst in  
Year 9 students get the choice to drop some subjects they have been studying and choose the subjects they wish to study for their GCSE's (General Certificates of Secondary Education). 

The rules of what subjects you can choose/drop vary by school, the only subjects you CANNOT drop are English, Maths, Sciences and Foreign Languages.

Year 10- Nothing much happens here, you might get to go on work experience (If your school supports the scheme) where you do 2 weeks work for free!!!

If your careers advisor is as sexist as the one at my old school was ladies expect a childcare or a health & beauty placement, men expect manual labour (Hard Graft) or mechanics...

Year 11 - Final Year of High School (Currently, all children starting high school education after 2012 will have to remain in education in some form up until 18 according to our S****Y Government) 

Year 11 consists of A LOT of exam preparation, rapidly declining class sizes as 16 year olds either bunk off (skip school) to work/sleep/raise their children.... Students will also be applying for colleges/Sixth Forms in Year 11 if they wish to continue into further education.

GCSE Mocks are sat December/January and some schools offer students study leave at this time so they are excused from school unless they have an exam.

GCSE Exams are sat between March &June.  
The End of GCSE's is usually celebrated with a prom at a restaurant/Function Hall... Where style varies from classy to full blown gypsy wedding dress!! 

(Readers not familiar with Gypsy Wedding dresses GOOGLE it!! It’s an eye-opener for sure)

Further Education (Post High School/ Pre University)- COLLEGE: There are numerous courses to be studied at college following high school education. Vocational courses such as NVQ’s, CACHE & B-TECH’s are preferred for those wishing to enter employment after achieving a skill based qualification rather than continuing on to university. You can generally get NVQ’s in everything from Healthcare to Domestic Services.....(That’s right you can get a qualification in cleaning people...).

Students wishing to go on to university will usually spend 2 years at college studying A-Levels.  
Year 1 of A-Levels (or A.S.) is spent studying 4 subjects of your choosing, though usually working towards what one wishes to study at university. At the end of the year exams are taken and anybody who passes achieves an AS-Level and continues on to second year. Those who do not pass their exams either re-sit and continue to 2nd year after the re-sit or drop out.

Year 2 of A-LEVELS (or A2): Students will usually drop their fourth subject in A2 and continue studying the 3 they had previously studied in year 1.

Again A2 is dependant on exams & coursework and while students on A-Levels complete assignments and pass exams they will gain credits known as UCAS points. UCAS points enable students to continue on to university and study their chosen subject. Students doing Practical subjects such as Art, Drama, Music, Graphics or Design will usually be graded on a practical demonstration/assessment of their work and not via a written examination.  
A-Levels are free to study and government funded as long as the individual applying is below the age of 19 and has achieved between 3 and 5 GCSE’s at Grade C and above.

For those wishing to embark on further study after the age of 19 you either pay for your A-Levels (NOT Cheap) or do an adult equivalent course such as ACCESS to Higher Education or a Foundation Degree.  
(e.g. I personally didn’t do A-levels, I did an adult equivalent course but the UCAS points/ Equiv needed for my degree was at least 260-280 points)

After College A-Level students usually go on to Under Graduate study at university where a Bachelors Degree takes 3, 4 or 5 years full-time dependant on the subject and double if one chooses to attend university part-time.  
Following Bachelors it’s the usual progression route, Masters, PhD, Doctorate, Professorships etc...

WELL DONE to anybody who hasn’t died of boredom whilst reading this!!!

**Author's Note:**

> I currently have an outline of the British education system on the go, If anybody is interested in seeing that, let me know and I will send it to you....Wasn't going to post it as an add on to this as it will probably bore most to tears.  
>  \- Issie :) x


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